18 Weeks

I had my big ultrasound today.  We took all the boys with us so they could see the baby.  I was a little disappointed because it was the fastest u/s I've ever had (and I've had a lot!).  I was hoping the tech would get some good profile shots and views of the baby's face but she didn't.  The baby was moving so much it was hard to get a good look.  We did get a cute pic with the baby's hand up under it's chin and a pic of a tiny foot.  We only got to watch for about 3 or 4 minutes before she shut the monitor off so we wouldn't see the gender.  She says she couldn't tell anyway.  They are having me get a repeat u/s in 4 weeks just because they couldn't get a clear pic of all 4 chambers of baby's heart since he/she was moving so much.  The tech said that from what she could see, everything looked fine though.  That's a huge relief!  It's funny because she kept commenting on how active baby was but I don't feel much due to my anterior placenta.  I've never had one before and it's a little disappointing because I love feeling movement.  I feel a few kicks here and there but noting like I did with the boys.  I'm hoping that as baby gets bigger and stronger, I'll feel more.  Anyway, we are just super happy that baby looks good and I'm getting more and more excited every day!

2nd Trimester :)

I'm 15 weeks today and it feels so good to be in the 2nd trimester!  My belly is growing and I'm hoping to feel my little one move very soon.  My doppler has been a lifesaver!  I listen to the heartbeat at least every other day.  It's so reassuring.  Dr. A has been awesome!  She understands my fears and has been really supportive.  She's even arranged "just because" ultrasounds to help put my mind at ease.  I LOVE seeing my baby!  This last time, I got to see him/her opening their little mouth and swallowing.  I don't care if it's your first or 20th, it never gets old.  I go back in 3 weeks for my big u/s.  I'm excited to see the baby again but nervous we'll accidentally see the sex.  Hopefully, the tech will be able to avoid that area, at least while we can see the screen!  Really though, I'm just praying the baby is healthy and everything looks good.

You Need Only To Be Still

The last few months have been rough but it looks like things are finally looking up! In January, I was thrilled to find out I was pregnant again. Unfortunately, when I went to the doctor and had my betas done, I knew it was not good. They were only 13 when they should have been closer to 40. Sure, enough I lost that pregnancy. It was deja vu. I couldn't believe I had another 2 back to back losses. I was heartbroken. I was feeling really down about the whole process. I did a lot of praying for strength and asked God to take away the desire for another baby if it was not meant to be and to give me strength if it was. I was thrilled to get pregnant again right away. I had a good feeling about the pregnancy from the beginning. I went in for betas and waited for the results. I was praying they would be between at least 80-100. The nurse called and said they were 186! I cried I was so happy.

My doc told me I could go in for an early u/s at 5 weeks to see if everything was progressing. I knew we wouldn't see a baby or heartbeat at that point but was hoping for a gestational sac. I was so nervous that morning. The tech started the u/s and we saw a sac right away. It was measuring right on schedule. I was very relieved. Until, the doc came in to talk to me. She said the sac wasn't shaped the way they'd like. She said they like it to be nice and round and mine has some irregular edges. She said it could be fine but she didn't get a warm fuzzy. She said I had a 50/50 chance of it being a viable pregnancy. My stomach fell. I left feeling broken again. I spent the afternoon crying and praying in bed.

That weekend I went to a women's retreat with my church. One of our memory verses was Exodus 14:14, "God will fight the fight for you. You need only to be still." I prayed and begged Him to fight the fight for me and my baby. The following Wednesday I went back in for another u/s. I was preparing myself for bad news. The u/s started and the tech said "there's the sac and it's grown." Then I thought I saw another circle and she said "there's a yolk sac.....and I think I see a flicker!". I lost it. Just started crying. I couldn't believe my baby was there with a tiny heartbeat. I told her I had not expected to see that and that I had been praying like crazy. She smiled and said "God is good!". Yes He is! And not only was there a baby measuring right on with a strong heartbeat, but the gestational sac now looked completely normal! It was a very emotional day!

With the boys, the queasiness started between 5-6 weeks. When I was still feeling pretty normal a week later at 7 weeks, I called my OB. I told them I was probably just paranoid but I was stressing. They told me to go ahead and come in and they'd do another u/s for peace of mind. again I prepared myself for bad news but instead saw my little bean with a string heart rate of 154, right where it should be :) Plus my little one was now measuring 3 days ahead, which they said is a great sign. I'm so glad I go to an OB that doesn't make me feel silly but addresses my concerns and understands how I feel.

The mild queasiness kicked in the next day :) So did the exhaustion! SO tired! But I welcome it all. I just feel so blessed and continue to pray that God takes care of my baby. I still worry a lot but I'm just trying to stay positive and celebrate my baby :)

Christmas 2011

We had a great Christmas! It was a fairly laid back day and the kids were so excited :) We saved the zip line I won a few months ago for last. They opened up the mystery box and then just stared at it. They had no idea what it was. Once we explained it , the were thrilled! We set it up that afternoon and gave it a whirl. I don't know who was more excited, the kids or the adults!

Connor said his favorite gift was his Kindle, Landon lazer tag, Liam, his angry birds game, Noah his"toy story truck that transforms". Keaton liked everything! He was a little clingy first off and just wanted daddy but he quickly warmed up to the idea of ripping the paper off and opening presents. Mike got me a kindle as well which I was really excited about. One of my favorite gifts though was from Connor. We went to a Christmas festival at the boys' school a couple of weeks before Christmas. They had set up a Secret Santa area with tables of inexpensive gifts for kids to get for family members. Connor disappeared at one point and then I saw him come back and whisper to Mike. He then disappeared again. Apparently, he has seen birthstone rings at one of the tables and was asking Mike what my birthstone was. He bought me one of those rings with his own money. I of course cried when I opened it. He was so proud and my heart was so full. I wear that ring with pride :)

I admit that I did get a little sad a few times because Christmas day was the day we were going to tell my family I was pregnant. I still miss my baby but enjoying a special day with my boys really helped. They are such blessings and I am so thankful for them!