Last Saturday, I had a nagging feeling something was wrong. No cramps or spotting, just intuition. I kept telling Mike but he just kept trying to reassure me everything was fine. I was right though. I woke up at 3:30 in the morning bleeding. I knew my baby was gone. I was only 5 weeks 2 days. I called my OB's answering service Sunday morning and they told me to go to the ER. I'm Rh- so I needed a rogham shot. The did bloodwork at the hospital and my hcg level was already down to 8.
I'm heartbroken. This never gets easier. My heart was filled with love for my baby the minute I saw that positive test. A really good friend of mine who also lost a baby recently, told me about a book called "I'll Hold You in Heaven". I got it today and it helped. It gave answers to question with biblical backing. It reaffirmed that my baby was a person with a soul from the moment of conception and that we will see him or her in Heaven. This is what gets me through. A friend also reminded me that my Grandma is up there rocking my baby. I now have three babies waiting for me. I like to think of them playing together.
I have spent the last few days snuggling my boys. That always helps :) Praying for God's healing and peace and hoping He blesses us again.